You assumed the job was yours. You really wanted it but have just received the news that you’ve not been appointed. It can be especially hard if you’re an internal candidate. How do you react? How you handle rejection says a lot about you, so it’s worth contemplating how you’d respond.
It’s human nature to feel upset or angry when you don’t get the job you’d set your heart on. Allow yourself to express your rage or tears, as this can help you process your disappointment. There may be several reasons for your lack of success. Life isn’t always fair. Other candidates may have had more experience or performed better on the day. Someone else might have been ‘lined up.’ It’s more challenging as an internal candidate to ‘sell’ yourself to people you know on an interview panel. Internal rejections also carry higher stakes; your colleagues will soon find out, and you may feel awkward or embarrassed, having to live with this discomfort for a while.
As a panel chair, I’ve had to deliver the bad news to unsuccessful candidates and witnessed their responses. I’ve also experienced job rejection more than once. So I’m well-placed to offer advice on how to cope with disappointment as I understand what it feels like.
What not to do
I witnessed one candidate who quite literally threw a tantrum in public when they didn’t get the job. They assumed it was theirs for the taking. Regrettably, this outburst certainly ensured that the person concerned was memorable- for all the wrong reasons. I have been appointed, as an external candidate, where one unsuccessful internal candidate sulked and didn’t speak to me for nearly a year. I have known unsuccessful applicants who have bad-mouthed a successful candidate and created rumours doubting the appointee’s capabilities. There is nothing to be gained by playing the blame game and sniping to others about the unfairness of it all. Sometimes you just have to suck it up, swallow hard and move on. Let’s just say none of these approaches have been career-enhancing for the individuals involved. Managers have long memories.
My experience of rejection
I was deeply disappointed when I’d hoped to be promoted to one particular role. Fortunately, after a good cry, a call to a friend, and a large gin & tonic, I began to feel better. Bracing myself, I asked for feedback, which is not always easy to hear. I learned I had ‘potential’ but needed more experience. My preparation wasn’t all it could have been, and my presentation needed more polish.
To add insult to injury, the successful candidate became my new line manager. However, he was keen to support me in my career development. I undertook some development activities, and a year later, I was encouraged to apply for a similar role. On this occasion, after taking the earlier feedback on board, I got the job.
A more constructive approach
Acceptance, humility and willingness to learn from feedback do help you develop a degree of resilience. Remember the old adage “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”? Your response to feedback is an opportunity to show your strength of character. Dignified acceptance and a willingness to work on and improve in the areas identified will also impress your interviewers.
Feedback can be very helpful. However, discussing your performance immediately after the interview means you’re less likely to take any of that valuable advice on board. You’ll still be in shock that you didn’t get the job, in denial, distressed, or angry. It’s better to wait at least 24 hours before having the conversation. By then, you’ll then have processed some of your disappointment and will be better-placed to take on board suggestions for improvement. If you’re contacted with the outcome and offered feedback, accept the offer but ask if you can schedule this a day or two later.
Reframing
I have known several people, who when they were unsuccessful, reflected on whether they had actually wanted the job. Some decided they’d prefer a different kind of role and used the opportunity to review their career direction. For others, it’s motivated them to leave their current organisation if they felt unable to progress internally.
Remember that by making it as far as the interview you’ve been partially successful. You made the shortlist. Many others may not have made it that far. Channel the feedback into making improvements to your future applications.
Sometimes rejection in life is really redirection.
Tavis Smiley