I recently moved from a full-time career into freelance work. I reflected on the lessons I’ve learned during my 40+ year career. Of course, hindsight is a wonderful thing. If only I’d learned these lessons all those years ago, where would I be now?
I’m therefore sharing some of my wisdom, which I learned the hard way over time, and hoping it helps you avoid some of the traps I fell into during my career.
Tip 1: listen to your gut
I worked for many years for the same manager. Nothing I ever did quite seemed to meet her exacting standards. The term ‘gaslighting’ wasn’t used in the ’90s but could have been invented for my boss. I wasn’t always clear what she expected of me. As a result, my work often fell short of what she hoped for. The result? My boss was often disappointed with the work I produced. Trust me when I say that over time, my self-confidence was eroded. She didn’t appreciate creativity or initiative- and I felt trapped and limited, the proverbial square peg in a round hole.
I reflected how happy I’d been in previous job roles. My other line managers had all been very supportive. Perhaps it wasn’t me who had the problem. Recalling this helped me reframe my experience.
At the time, I’d also experienced some major life events which caused me to take stock and think about what I really wanted from my career. I needed a work environment where I was encouraged and supported-something I’d enjoyed in my other roles.
I eventually changed jobs and my next employer gave me as much autonomy as I needed. I was able to experiment and use my creativity to solve problems. If I tried something which didn’t work, I was encouraged to try something different. My confidence returned and I developed personally and professionally as a result.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, don’t wait it out, hoping things will improve. They won’t. I spent too many years waiting in case they did. Sometimes it’s not you- it’s them.
Tip 2: Embrace the uncomfortable
When you’re asked to do something that makes you feel anxious- say ‘yes’ unless that thing is morally questionable or physically dangerous. Reframe any nervousness you feel as excitement. Life really does begin at the edge of your comfort zone. Consider times when you attempted something you weren’t quite ready to do but did anyway. Reminding yourself of previous successes will encourage you to experiment with something new. You only learn by doing- and no one will execute a task perfectly the first time. Keep saying ‘yes’ – it will develop your confidence enormously. You’ll probably find you enjoy it.
I was once asked to take part as a panel member on a subject I knew very little about. I said ‘yes’ and then spent several days stressing and wondering why I’d agreed. I then gave myself a good talking to and made sure I researched as much as I could on the topic. Ultimately I only needed 10% of what I’d read. But the preparation meant I was well-prepared. We are all a work in progress. Remember Richard Branson’s words:
‘If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later!’
Tip 3: Other people don’t give a damn
Don’t worry about others’ opinions. They are unlikely to be thinking about you. Honestly, people just aren’t that interested. Social media can make you hyper-sensitised to criticisms, which are easy to magnify and distort. There’s a term for this- it’s called ‘the spotlight effect.’ It’s easy to believe you spend your live under the spotlight and that others are constantly judging and criticizing you. In the early 2000s, psychology professor Thomas Gilovich and his co-authors* showed that individuals significantly overestimate the extent to which others are judging them. Other people will be similarly preoccupied- or worrying about what others think about them. So it isn’t all about you. This should feel liberating. If no one cares, fear of being judged needn’t hold you back.
When I’m preparing to deliver a presentation, I focus on the audience and their needs. I find this more helpful than stressing about whether the audience will be critical of what I’m about to say. If I’m presenting, I probably know more about the subject than the audience. I’ll have done my best to research and prepare to make my input engaging. Most audiences are not hostile- people aren’t willing you to fail. They’re probably thinking about when to pick up their child from school or wondering what’s for lunch.
What tips would you share?
What tips would you give others from your own experiences, to help remove the roadblocks to career success?
*Gilovich,T., Medvec, V.H. and Savitsky, K (200). The spotlight effect in social judgment: an egocentric bias in estimates of the salience of one’s actions and appearance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 211-222.