Status matters to everyone. To belong is a fundamental part of being human. To feel connected, to be appreciated and validated by others is essential to both your physical and emotional wellbeing.
Why is status so important? In ‘The Status Game: On Social Position and How We use It’. Will Storr, explores the significance of status. With status come privileges, benefits and belonging. If you’ve ever been the last player picked for the netball team, experienced rejection from a friendship group, been cancelled on social media or lost your job, you’ll be acutely aware of how it feels. To lose status can be devastating.
To achieve status- whether through belonging to different groups or through promotion to high-level jobs, we all instinctively play status games. Why do we do this and what can we learn about the games we play both in the workplace and at home?
Why we play status games.
The aim of all status games is to win. Status and connection through game playing lead to thriving and wellbeing. The higher the status you enjoy, the longer you’re likely to live. Status is a big deal. We play status games to win affection, approval and to succeed. We are all playing several games at any one time.
There are 3 status games: Dominance, Virtue and Success.
- Dominance games are about using force, fear or control to get your way. This can be quite literally- through warfare- as well as behaving aggressively or assertively. Parents will use dominance to get children to behave and to teach them how to avoid danger, for example.
- Virtue games are concerned with good behaviour, moral superiority and ‘making a difference.’ Virtue games may be played by teachers rewarding good behaviours or a staff team collaborating to support others by proxy, helping them to win.
- Success games are about competing to win-whether in business or sport. This may through applying for promotions at work and seeking to raise your profile to achieve recognition.
How status games can play out at work:
Depending on the sector you work in, different kinds of game will be played. For example, within Higher Education I’ve observed that:
- Academics place more emphasis on Dominance and Success games. Intellect, publications, citations, public profiles and awards all win points- and points mean prizes. Knowledge is power. Research and publications win resources, build reputation and lead to promotion.
- Professional Services, which include functions such as Recruitment, Marketing and Widening Participation, may focus more on Success and Virtue, which equate to reputation, metrics and resource control.
- Within Professional Services Careers staff are more likely to play Virtue games, with staff enjoying payback by helping others to succeed.
- The space between the Academy and Professional Services can sometimes be uncomfortable, with different games being played. Understanding the needs of those you need to influence can help you decide how to achieve the outcome you’re hoping for. Understanding which games others are playing by discussing their priorities will help you decide how best to engage and which game(s) you need to play to win.
Forging relationships with high-status individuals
Investing time cultivating high-status staff is key to successful game playing. We derive status through being associated with them. Storr says we seek to ‘flatter, copy and conform’ when we are in their presence to enjoy the benefits of association.
Leaders and their reports.
Storr says the successful leader’s narrative needs to be “we deserve more status and under my direction we’ll get it.” He says ‘leaders must rent their thrones from subordinates.’ Both team leader and their reports are dependent on each other for support and success.
It can be a delicate balance. If their formal position is to be assured, leaders must earn true status in the minds of those who report to them. For example, political leaders not only need to deliver on their promises; they should also bestow status and recognition to retain staff and enjoy their respect. However, cronyism may lead to cynicism and risks self-sabotage.
Not being able to follow through on election promises can risk losing hearts and minds. We all witnessed the unravelling of the Tories Party-gate debacle. Having claimed they were playing the Virtue game they expected others to play during the pandemic, politicians were clearly not leading by example.
Helpful status game rules for leaders
The author ends with a list of seven helpful rules for status games. The three which stand out as most valuable to me in the context of leadership are:
- Behave in ways that imply warmth, sincerity and competence. Warmth signals you aren’t going to use dominance. Sincerity indicates that you’ll play fairly. Competence demonstrates what you bring to the game itself has value.
- Make small moments of prestige. Be gracious to others. Allow people to feel status-full. Whether handling a complaint or asking a favour, give others a sense of autonomy and choice. People who are free to decide are more likely to accept your influence.
- Foster a trade-off mindset. No one side holds the truth- look for a win-win outcome in your negotiations. Empathise, even though you may not agree with a position. See beyond simplistic moral binary ‘either/or’ arguments.
Conclusion
Conscious awareness of status games can help you identify which games to play and how to approach either winning or collaborating with those who enjoy higher status to achieve a win-win outcome.
Questions to consider:
- How do status games manifest in your organisation and what impact do they have on you and your team?
- In what ways can you enhance your status/the status of your team within your organisation?
- What can you do as a leader to ensure your staff experience the sense of belonging that’s essential to wellbeing?
A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.
Brené Brown
