The ability to say ‘no’ is a critical skill, especially when it comes to requests that risk derailing your career progression. This skill is further examined in “The No Club: Putting a Stop to Women’s Dead-End Work.”
The Flattery Trap and Gendered Expectations
1. Understanding the Task
Before agreeing to any task, assess its scope:
- Time Commitment: Estimate the duration of the task.
- Work Impact: Consider if it will interfere with your current responsibilities.
- Insider Insight: Speak with the person currently handling the task for a realistic time estimate.
If your audit shows you don’t have capacity for the task, a polite decline such as, “Thank you for considering me, but I can’t commit to this with my current workload.”
Alternatively, you might say, “I appreciate the offer, but I have to prioritise my existing work as requested by my Line Manager.”
2. Considering who is asking
The hierarchy within your organisation can influence your response. If a more senior manager makes the request, consult with your Line Manager to determine if the task should supersede your other duties. If not, your manager should advocate on your behalf.
3. Evaluating the Cost
Assess the personal cost of additional tasks. For instance, a last-minute request that encroaches on personal time warrants a firm ‘no.’ Phrases like “That won’t work for me” or “That’s not possible” convey your stance without ambiguity.
4. The Waiting Game
In meetings, resist volunteering immediately. Embrace the silence and wait for others to step forward. If approached via email, consider not responding to avoid being pressured into agreeing.
5. Offering Alternatives
When declining, suggest alternatives or offer to help at a later date. Proposing a rotating system for tasks such as taking meeting notes, or organising staff leaving collections ensures work is distributed more equitably.
6. Sidestepping Ambushes
To avoid being volunteered for tasks in meetings, defer your response or suggest it’s time for others to take the lead. Ahead of the meeting, discuss with the Chair to avoid additional work requests heading your way.
7. Reflecting on the consequences of saying ‘no.’
In saying ‘no’, you’re not rejecting the person- simply the request. A useful quote I heard recently was ‘disagreement doesn’t mean disharmony.’ Practice saying ‘no’ more often until it becomes something you’re comfortable with. Letting go of the need to people please is liberating. The less you care about what they think, the more respect others will have for your professional boundaries.
I suspect this may be an age thing. I’m distinctly less bothered about what others think of me than I was earlier in my career. Saying ‘no’ more routinely has not harmed my career or caused major melt downs in my relationship with my work colleagues or line managers.
Conclusion
Respect those who manage their boundaries effectively and practice your ‘no’s’ until they become second nature.
There are often many things we feel we should do that, in fact, we don’t really have to do. Getting to the point where we can tell the difference is a major milestone in the simplification process.
Elaine St. James
For when it may be in your interests to say ‘yes’ rather than ‘no’ see also this post.
