You’ve put everything into applying for an internal promotion you really wanted and have just heard you’ve been unsuccessful. How do you react? How you handle rejection will say a lot about you, so it’s worth contemplating how you would respond in case it happens to you.
It’s human nature to feel upset or angry when you don’t get a job you really wanted. Give yourself permission to rage or cry as this will help you process your disappointment. There could be numerous reasons why you weren’t successful. Life isn’t always fair. Other candidates may have had more experience or performed better on the day. Someone else may have been ‘lined up.’ It’s harder as an internal candidate to ‘sell’ yourself to people you know on an interview panel. Internal rejections also have higher stakes; your colleagues will soon find out and you may feel awkward or embarrassed and have to live with your discomfort for a while.
I’ve learned, through first-hand experience, how rejection feels. I’ve also been on interview panels where I’ve had to contact candidates and break the bad news. I’ve observed the reactions of unsuccessful candidates. I am therefore well-placed from ‘both sides of the table’ to share advice on how best to deal with disappointment.
What not to do
I’ve witnessed someone who quite literally threw a tantrum in public when they didn’t get the job they’d assumed was theirs for the taking. Regrettably this outburst certainly ensured the person concerned was memorable- for all the wrong reasons.
I have been appointed, as an external candidate, into an organisation where one unsuccessful internal candidate sulked for months and did not speak to me for literally almost a year.
I have known unsuccessful applicants who have bad-mouthed a successful candidate and created rumours doubting the appointee’s capabilities.
Let’s just say all of these approaches have been career-limiting for the individuals concerned and that managers have long memories.
I was bitterly disappointed when I had hoped to be promoted to one particular role. Fortunately after a good cry, a call to a friend and half a bottle of wine, I felt better. I braced myself and of course asked for feedback, which is not always easy to hear. I learned I had ‘potential’ but needed more experience. I had not prepared as well as I could have done for the interview and my presentation needed more polish.
To add insult to injury I then had to report to the successful candidate as they became my new line manager. However this person was keen to support me in my career development. I undertook some development activities and a year later was encouraged to apply for a similar role. On this occasion, having taken the earlier feedback on board, I was successful.
A more constructive approach
Acceptance, humility and willingness to learn from feedback do help you develop a degree of resilience. Remember the old adage ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’? Your response to feedback is an opportunity to show your strength of character. A dignified acceptance and a willingness to work on and improve in the areas identified will also impress your interviewers.
Feedback
Feedback can be really helpful. However, discussing your performance the same day means you’re less likely to take any valuable advice on board. You will either still be in shock that you didn’t get the job, distressed or possibly angry. It’s better to wait at least 24 hours before having the conversation. You’ll then have got some disappointment out of your system and be better placed to listen and acknowledge suggestions for improvement. If you are contacted with the outcome and offered feedback, do accept the offer but ask if you can schedule this a day or two later.
Reframing
Reframing can be a helpful way to change perspective in this situation. I have known several people, who when they didn’t get a job, reflected on whether they had really wanted it. Some decided they would prefer a different kind of role and used the opportunity to review their career direction. For some it has been a spur to leave their current organisation if they felt unable to progress internally.
Remember that by making it as far as the interview you have been partially successful. You made the shortlist. There may have been many applicants. Congratulate yourself for getting this far. If you are unsuccessful, channel the feedback into making improvements to future applications.
There is no failure. Only feedback.
Robert Allen
