Looking back on your school days, what are your memories of those who taught you? Which were the teachers who encouraged and expected the best from you?
If you watched the documentary about former footballer and sporting pundit Ian Wright, you can’t fail 
to have been moved by the reunion with his former teacher Mr Pidgen. This brief clip moved me to tears as Ian Wright describes the profound impact this one man had on his time at school and how this inspired him to follow his dream. Everyone needs a Mr Pigden.
Mrs Sharma, was the teacher who praised my early attempts in First year to learn French. I can still remember her pride (and mine) when she announced the end of year exam results to the whole class: “Anne Wilson, First. 96%! Well done!” After that, I would do anything she expected. Her validation impacted both my self-belief and motivation to learn.
We all have more power than we realise. We can use this to inspire and motivate others in positive ways -or inadvertently crush dreams in careless ways we aren’t even aware of.
Great Expectations
In his book ‘The Expectation Effect,’ author David Robson explores the power of expectations, when applied both to ourselves and to others.
He explains that through our interactions with others we transmit our opinions, often in the most subtle of ways. A cynically raised eyebrow, lack of eye contact, words carelessly expressed -or which conflict with our expressions and body language.
He asks:
“Take a moment to consider the people around you-your boss, your colleagues, your partner and your friends. Do you feel smart when you’re around them? or do they leave you feeling slow-witted and unoriginal, so that you are always struggling to play catch-up? How about the people from your past like your school teachers or your parents? Did they see your potential? Or did they underestimate you?”
I’m sure you can bring to mind those people in whose company you can genuinely relax, being the real you, comfortable in your own skin. I imagine you can even more easily bring to mind those who leave you feeling inadequate, somehow falling short of their expectations.
I once had a boss who routinely dismissed my ideas, regularly ‘improved’ documents I submitted and always had a better way (their way) that things should be done. I felt my contributions weren’t appreciated or worthwhile. It took a move to a different job and a boss who was very different to understand it wasn’t me who was inadequate. In my next job, I was encouraged to experiment, not to worry if something didn’t work- but to reflect, learn and try something else. I received regular and constructive feedback and was stretched and encouraged to learn. Two very different experiences.
Whether or not you are a leader of others, a teacher or parent, you will have an influence on those around you. Many around you will view you as a role model or someone who wields influence. This is a profound responsibility.
Demonstrate Unconditional Positive Regard
How can we contribute to creating a positive environment where others feel validated? And how do we become more self-aware of our impact on others?
verywellmind author Kendra Cherry describes how Psychologist Carl Rogers created such an environment through demonstrating what he calls ‘Unconditional Positive Regard.’ This ‘involves showing complete support and acceptance of a person no matter what that person says or does. The therapist accepts and supports the client, no matter what they say or do, placing no conditions on this acceptance.’
We don’t need to be a therapist in order to create a climate of acceptance and support. We simply need to illustrate ‘great expectations’ of others through our words, our expressions and tone of voice, ensuring all of these are congruent.
Learning through observation and feedback
In the ‘Expectation Effect,’ the author references an experiment where teachers filmed their lessons land later watched the videos which were analysed to see where unconscious bias illustrated their low expectations of pupils. For example, only asking boys for answers to Maths questions or interacting mostly with white pupils. The videos were a powerful learning tool in developing teachers’ self-awareness and led to significant improvements in student performance.
It takes courage to ask for feedback in order to become better at something. It’s made me reflect on my relationships with others and how I can more consistently create Rogers’ Unconditional Positive Regard.
In conclusion
In the video clip, Ian Wright’s teacher exemplifies how to create Unconditional Positive Regard. The impact Mr Pidgen had on one young life is uplifting. Let’s all take inspiration from it.
When an axe meets wood, only the axe forgets.
African proverb
