How to let go of the need to control

I confess I’m not good when I’m not in control. When I go out, I prefer to be the driver rather than the passenger. My MBTI type (J) illustrates my preference for planning ahead. I enjoy certainty and can be unsettled by plans that change at the last minute. I will therefore do whatever I can to avoid surprises. Call me a party pooper, but at least my party will be well-organised.

What does this mean for me in the context of work? There are times of year when my inbox fills up faster than I can respond. The thought of a holiday of more than a week, which is clearly something I need, makes me feel queasy…what will I come back to after a fortnight, never mind a week?! At these times of year, in order not to experience overwhelm, I look for ways I can regain some kind of control in my life. By investing energy in the things I can control, I find it easier to deal with both uncertainty and higher volumes of work.

The paradox of control

I am keenly aware that while it’s natural to want to feel in control, that it’s not possible to control everything. You are in fact happier if you’re able to let go of the need to control. On website verywellmind,  Ariane Resnic explains that the need for control is rooted in fear. However, this leads to an increase in stress and anxiety. You end up invested in outcomes you can’t control and blaming yourself when things don’t turn out how you want.

Control what you can

I have attempted to distance myself from the things I can’t control, by investing time in the things I can- but which aren’t that important. I immerse myself in low-level tasks. In my case that’s cleaning and decluttering. Discovering Marie Condo has been my salvation. I exemplify the saying ‘tidy house, tidy mind.’

In no particular order, over the past few days I have:

• Scheduled a window cleaner to clear the gutters
• Sorted unwanted belongings into piles for the tip, charity shop, to give away or sell on e bay
• Rearranged the contents of drawers and wardrobes
• Tackled  the garage…..a major task requiring considerable nerve and grit. I had to be pretty much hosed down afterwards. However, we can finally get a car in
• Organised my paperwork which is now neatly labelled and filed away
• Weeded the garden
• Completed the long-overdue home/office clear-out. It has been restored to an oasis of calm and orderliness, complete with a new orchid- a treat for my endeavours.

None of these activities were directly connected to work -with the exception of my work space. However, the resulting calm and balance I have achieved in my physical surroundings has helped me to reframe the the overwhelm of work. I now feel more able to tolerate the those things over which I have less control. Through my domestic blitz I’ve been able to shift my perspective from ‘I’m overwhelmed and not coping‘ to ‘I’m doing the best I can. No one will die if I don’t respond to all my e mails today.’

How do you deal with work overload? What hacks help you to regain a sense of control?